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Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, JOB HISTORY, ILLNESS AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR. PLEASE BE PREPARED TO SUBMIT ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (LIKE A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE AND POLYGRAPH TEST) AS REQUESTED.

   1. NAME:________________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
   2. HEIGHT:______________________WEIGHT:_______________________ GPA:_______________
   3. SOCIAL SECURITY #:_____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #:____________________
   4. BOY SCOUT RANK:_______________________________________________________________
   5. HOME ADDRESS:_____________________________ CITY/STATE:_____________ ZIP:_____________
   6. DO YOU HAVE ONE MALE AND ONE FEMALE PARENT?____________ IF NO, EXPLAIN ON BACK OF APPLICATION.
   7. HOW FAST CAN YOU RUN 40 YARDS?____________ HOW FAST CAN YOU RUN 2 MILES?_______
   8. DO YOU OWN A VAN?________ A TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?________ A WATERBED?____
      NOTE: IF YES TO ANY OF #8. DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES.
   9. IN FIFTY WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU? _______________________________________________________________________________
10. IN FIFTY WORDS OR LESS . WHAT DOES DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? _____________________________________________________________________________
11. IN FIFTY WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU? _______________________________________________________________________________
12. CHURCH YOU ATTEND?____________ HOW OFTEN DO YOU ATTEND?____________ CAN YOU PROVE IT?_________________
13. WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR FATHER, MOTHER AND CLERGY?   ________________________________________________________________________________
14. ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. PLEASE ANSWER FREELY. ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL (THAT MEANS I WON'T TELL).
      A. IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE ON MY BODY I WOULD WANT TO BE WOUNDED IS IN THE_____
      B. IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST BONE IN MY BODY I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS________________
      C. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE __________________________
      D. THE ONE THING I HOPE THIS APPLICATION DOES NOT ASK ME IS___________________________
      E. IN THE UNFORTUNATE EVENT OF MY UNTIMELY DEATH. I WOULD LIKE MY ASHES (IF ANY) SCATTERED_______________________________________________
      F. MY GREATEST FEAR IS____________________________
      G. WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE FIRST THING I NOTICE ABOUT HER IS:________________
      NOTE: IF ANSWER G BEGINS WITH A T OR A. DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES.
15. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?________________________________________
16. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN FINGERPRTNTED?_________ HAS A DNA SAMPLE BEEN TAKEN?______
17. MY DENTIST IS_____________________________________________________
18. I AM______ AM NOT______ A BLEEDER (CHECK ONE)

I SWEAR THAT ALL THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, ELECTROCUTION, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKER, AND A HILLARY CLINTON KISS.

____________________________________________
SIGNATURE (THIS MEANS SIGN YOUR NAME, MORON)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST. PLEASE ALLOW FOUR TO SIX YEARS FOR PROCESSING. YOU WILL BE CONTACTED IN WRITING IF YOU ARE APPROVED. PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CALL OR WRITE AS THIS MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH AND CAUSE INJURY OR DEATH.