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Parent Test

MESS TEST:

Smear Peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer

TOY TEST

Obtain a 55 Gal. Box of Legos. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold and try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.....don’t scream, this would wake your child at night!

GROCERY STORE TEST:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage!

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all the arms stay inside!

FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10 pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing evey song you have ever heard. Make up aobut a dozen more and sing these too, until 4am. Set your alarm for 5 am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years!

INGENUITY TEST

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Effel Tower.

AUTOMOBILE TEST

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies, mash them into the back seat, then run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 or the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set you wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help him self. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers!!